Friday, June 29, 2012

time to go

this child peaking out of his school window reminded me of the evil that binds this culture!
It's nearly impossible to believe that we are leaving Cambodia tonight!


It is time to return to our responsibilities and families.  I am anxious to see them, but am not ready to leave this place.

The Lord and I have continued to wrestle this week.  I feel I've been asked if I am willing to let go of many things for the sake of Christ.

I'm not talking about coming home and selling everything - that does no one any good.  I'm talking about things that are much more difficult to do.  What will I sacrifice for Him?  What will He ask me to give to Him?

And the most haunting question is, why does He have to ask me to submit anything?  IF I love him with my whole heart, soul and mind would He have to ask me to give up things I hold very dear?

 I don't think so..and so the wrestling match continues...

view from my hotel room
I feel the weight of work duties and special events already.  Yesterday I sat in my room and started to catch up on a leadership magazine that I've been wanted to read. The picture shows the view over the top of my magazine...a battle of focused experiences vs learning more about being a good leader.   I shouldn't have read it - it just threw me back into a quiet anxiousness. 

And so I put it away and am once again grabbing every last little bit of the trip that I possibly can.  Pray for us as we return - not only  for safety but to be changed forever!


Wednesday, June 27, 2012

tough goodbye

Goodbye - an acknowledgment of parting

Today was the worst part of our trip by far!

We had to say goodbye to the children of BB3 and BB7 - the children we have all fallen deeply in love with.

As the morning began with a few games, talking and the preparation of our final lunch at BB3, I noticed the absence of the ever present loud laughter that had filled the other days with the kids.  We all knew what was coming...


The prayer circle for safe travels before we said goodbye

Greg trying to say goodbye to his little girls

Final waves















The tears of children who have been separated from mothers and fathers in the past are difficult to see.  Even though we know the details of their backgrounds and what caused them to become orphans, who knows what remaining fears they have.

We did our best to assure them we would all try to be back when we could.  It didn't help.



  As we drove away our sobs eventually quieted down and we were left with quiet conversations about returning in January and how much we would miss our children.

They are our children.  To not see them again for a year is nearly overwhelming, but our relationships will continue grow no matter how often we see them.   We were truly blessed to have this time with them, even though goodbye is so very difficult!

The acknowledgment of parting is saying 'see you later' never goodbye! 


Tuesday, June 26, 2012

the things we saw today

child monks...doubly sad

typical Cambodian house

The care given to statues and idols is such a waste!

This is a cave that reportedly 10,000 innocent Cambodians were thrown into

Angie making necklaces with the girls

A breathtaking view

We gave home made blankets to our newest orphans

We went to one of the killing fields today.  Devastating to see how depraved a society can become.

Home made blankets from elderly ladies in the US sent for orphans.

Some of our men went into villages and talked to people who were old enough to remember the horror of the former regime.  They gave money to local pastors for orphans and widows.

Breathtaking views of a nearly destroyed society below.

Crafts with our beautiful girls!

Completely false religions giving no hope for a lost people - stone statues....empty

Please pray.

Monday, June 25, 2012

my daughters' Bibles

I sat in Cambodia today at a worship service side by side with my Cambodian daughter, Senghong.

Senghong's Bible
She has a Bible.  It was highlighted, and full of notes and book markers.  It was written in Khmer, her language. 

I also sat today in Cambodia with my daughter Jocelyn.

She has a Bible.  It is highlighted, and full of notes and book markers.  It is written in English, her language.

No woman is more blessed on the face of the earth than I am because both daughters also believe the words in their Bibles.  And both girls personally know and love the King of Kings.

Neither girl knew one another until just a few years ago when Jocelyn first chose Senghong to become her sister by looking at the bios and pictures at Crossroads.  She chose her to become our child to support through Asia's Hope.  And now our girls, bound together for all of eternity by the promises in their Bible are family.  And by God's grace we will be able to stay connected to our Cambodian daughter for the rest of our lives here on earth!
Jocelyn and Senghong working on the Cambodian music project

Friday, June 22, 2012

emotionally exhausted today

This has been the most emotionally exhausting day for me so far.

We went into a village, to a tiny local church to do a community outreach today.  We then stopped at another local church on our way back to the hotel.

BB3 dancers











We took the oldest kids from BB3 with us.  They performed 2 dances each place we went and Ron got to present the gospel to the attendees.  It was a HUGE honor to be there.

As I entered I couldn't help but notice all the shoes - they represented all the people inside...To see the empty eyes and smile-less faces proved once again that the joy that Jesus Christ brings to his children is immediately recognizable, even in the darkest of societies.  The few among them that did know the Lord - shined like a bright light even in the brightness of day!  You could tell these faithful pastors and their families were madly in love with the Lord and the burden they carry for the people around them was almost physically visible.

The team from Crossroads wept almost the entire time we were there, watching the worship dances and listening to the stories and the message made us long for those around us to know our Lord.

Darryl loving on one of the village babies.

Serving in these villages takes on many different forms, holding babies, giving out candy that you purchased long ago just for this occasion as well as handing unexpected money to the poverty stricken pastors. 


Dar got to feed a tiny baby!







As we moved to the second little church, we anticipated this stop partially because our dear BB3 House Parents grandmother, whom we had all come to love would be at the service.

When Jocelyn was in Cambodia last, the BB3 grandmother Priun, had formed a very close bond with my daughter Jocelyn.  Jocelyn had a necklace to give her and couldn't wait to see her.

Jocelyn and Pruin
When the vans pulled up Pruin appeared looking through all the windows of the van, Jocelyn was in the back and not easily seen.  As one person after another got out, Pruin excitedly grabbed each person she knew - kissing and hugging them.  And then Jocelyn stepped out.  They held each other for a very long time and finally made their way to sit together in the service.  Of course I was sobbing.
Greg Rudrick playing Goliath and terrifying the poor child playing David!


Priun loving Jocelyn during the service
The first thing we were told was that this little church had just lost their young pastor.  Some thought he died of a heart attack, some from a broken heart for the people of Cambodia and Thailand, and his close friend told me he thought he worked so hard telling everyone he had opportunity to, that he died of exhaustion.  They introduced his widow, and from that moment on I was overcome with grief for a woman I had never met.  She stood and everyone clapped, she sat back down and seemed to be under control.  

The service was amazing, a teaching on David and Goliath and with worship dance, words to worship songs sung in Khmer that I had no idea what they said and yet I worshiped deeply.  Worship has no language!

Following the service I asked one of the translators from BB3 if it was ok for me to speak to the young widow.  She said yes.  I asked her to tell her how sorry I was that her husband had passed away and then we both totally lost it and fell into each others arms.  I experienced sorrow on a level I cannot explain, as if I had known this many myself.  I placed some money in her hand and promised that I would hold her up in prayer and then I had to leave.  I was emotionally spent, but deeply in love with this congregation.

Finally on our way home, we stopped to drop off Pruin at the little hut that she now lived out her last days.  I was once again overcome with emotion knowing this could be the last time we ever get to see her.  She isn't well, that is why she no longer helps cook at BB3.  The end of life comes so quickly in this land, I think someone said she was only 57...

As our time with these lost, hopeless people drew to a close I saw across the room a picture I won't soon forget.

This picture described perfectly these peoples' plight without God.  Bars kept one small child from joining us in the room.  Those bars in that moment, represented the sins that separate us from God.  Only Jesus sacrifice removes them.  How I pray our work today can be used of God to change lives and give hope for eternity!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

the poor

Who are the poor?

People that have less then us? Are we the measurement against which poor is identified?

Are we to help everyone who has less then we do?  God was not pleased in the story of the good Samaritan, that the hurting man remained  un-helped as several people on a mission to get to 'foreign' lands and more important duties walked right by the man that needed them most.  Finally the good Samaritan stopped and cared for him.

The average home in Battambang

Our foreign endeavors are worthless unless we first help our neighbors, and our own communities.   Although it is extremely easy to come to a country like Cambodia and immediately 'see' who needs help.  I need to first look around me at home.

Several of the guys on our Cambodian team talked about how they secretly search for opportunities to serve those around them back home.  I marveled at their creativity to help others.  With the Lord's help, I will return home with a renewed determination to watch for opportunities to serve others without considering it my responsibility to decide who is poor and who isn't.


Wednesday, June 20, 2012

entrances to a foreign land


entrance:  A means or point by which to enter.

I entered many times today.  I discovered doorway after gorgeous doorway.  I walked the ruins of Angkor Wat today.  I was fascinated by all the doorways that gave entrance into the next area of the temples and courtyards.

Over and over I walked through entrances.  Each time I walked in,  there would be yet another entrance to explore. And so I walked deeper and deeper into the ruins.

As I discovered shrines with incense burning and many gifts that had been left for these cement forms,  I became overwhelmed with a sense of just how dark this area of the world is.  These once fabulous temples had been constructed by a people that had a God-implanted need to worship their creator.  Instead, deceived, they turned to mere rock and carvings to worship-  a ridiculous substitution.

  As I walked, my hands in a semi-raised position I begged God for their deliverance from this complete deception that holds them bondage.  Even today we witnessed people kneeling and offering confession and worship...to a stone.  It completely broke my heart.

The time, and money and blood-sweat-and-tears that went into these magnificent structures seemed such a waste of years if people's lives spent in horrible labor and all the resources that must have been spent as we saw many places of the temples that lay in total destruction.  

I wondered who had walked through all these entrances before me long ago?  I wondered if everyone who lived and passed through here all those years ago had been lost for all of eternity, if any knew Yahweh?





Monday, June 18, 2012

eating together

A universally important way to spend time together is eating together.

We have enjoyed that time of our day perhaps the most!

Not only because the ethnic food is a huge part of any traveling experience, but more than that fellowship at meals is rich - different than just passing conversations.  Meal talk is communication that discusses the day, tomorrow's plans and ends with expressed hope for continued fellowship the in the future, when it's time to eat again.

And so we eat while we are here, with our precious children and the house parents and their own children, and cooks and van drivers who all serve us while we are here as if we are the important ones.

We know we are NOT the important ones.  The important ones are them.  They teach us FAR more then we will ever provide for them.  They give us an unselfish love that we have never felt from any other thing we have invested in - in our entire lives.

Homemade Curry by one of the House Parents!

Surprise meal at one of the orphanages!
Eating together - just a glimpse of the eternal fellowship we will enjoy in heaven someday surrounded by our precious orphan family as we all worship our King!






Sunday, June 17, 2012

the offering

Is there anything more dear to God then the offering of an orphan?

I witnessed pure joy on the faces of each orphan as they GAVE to their Lord.

So...when did America start to believe that what we have belongs to us?

The house parents of all of our precious children, raise them to be completely familiar with all the Christian discipline that will lead them toward a full life in Christ.  One discipline they not only teach but demonstrate is tithing.  They provide jobs so that the children can 'work' and earn spending money.  But most of all, so they can learn to tithe.


I have been blessed by many things this week already - but the joy I saw as they dropped their offerings is without compare.  Pure worship!

first morning

Well - I'm having a lot of trouble blogging from Cambodia!  Internet is very unstable and the program I downloaded to use is not working at all...I think I've found a stable internet so I'm going to try to blog right now!  Thanks for reading!

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The first morning in Phnom Pen

As I walked out of our hotel the first morning I was in Cambodia - I looked down and saw a site I still have not forgotten.

The tiniest little 4 yr old-ish girl with the most beautiful big brown eyes set deeply in a malnourished turned up face, placed her hands in a prayer position and asked me for help.  Financial help.  She was begging.

She appeared from the direction of the street - a place none of us back home would ever allow a child this young to be near.  A street where children roaming alone can only mean a couple of things, they are part of the booming sex slave business or working to beg to support a family or other adult who has a hold over them in some way, or, they are completely alone.

I had nothing to give her.

We had just packed all of our belongings in vans that were packed WAY too tight for anyone to try to locate anything personal.  I held my hands apart in contrast to her clenched hands indicating I had nothing.

She immediately disappeared as quickly as she came - and, when I say disappeared I mean vanished from site instantly.  I found this quite upsetting.

I walked over to the van and left her behind realizing I would never see her again.

It is logical to assume that if she were working for some unkind adult, anything I would have given her would not benefit her personally.  It was as if I had the old movie scene going on - with satan on one shoulder and an angel on the other shoulder arguing.  Evil said, "it wouldn't have mattered anyway" while good argued, "that's not up to you to decide - ..."unto the least of these..." this echoed in my mind.  What haunted me the most was the possibility of her being punished for not returning with money.

We are not called to understand and react logically, we are just called to help the poor, to have a broken heart for the forgotten.  God can decide how our help looks after we give it.

Now in Battambang, Cambodia, I keep some money in my pocket - determined not to miss another opportunity if God brings me one.  I pray however, that I get to share the Gospel instead of just money, but will be obedient to whatever God puts in my path.  Please keep praying for us.

Friday, June 15, 2012

Perspective

As I was finishing tasks in preparation to leave for Cambodia this morning, I walked out on our deck - the place of perspective for me - I became aware in a brand new way of the vast space around me. I felt a sense of the enormity of the world around me . I felt small and suddenly the work yet to be done around me was insignificant. I knew the silly tasks I was so worried about finishing were meaningless in eternities' presence, in comparison to proclaiming God to the forgotten.

I am amazed over and over as God grabs my mind and soul and I get tiny glimpses of Him untainted by my agenda. He brings something to my mind that later in the day is more fully revealed. This just happened again while I was reading.

I saw this in one of John Piper's books: ...world history looks like what it really is—a brief prelude to the everlasting, all-glorious kingdom of Christ.


Sitting on an airplane as i write, flying over huge buildings and stadiums that seem so important when I'm down on the ground and yet are mere specs from above - I feel like I'm seeing a small version of God's view . Our world's history is so small, so brief, so temporary and yet I live as if it's all that matters.

I want to be so stunned by my personal relationship with Almighty, Everlasting, Creator God that I cannot keep quiet. So stunned that He died for me that I must proclaim Him to the forgotten of the world and just as important, my neighbors...and so in love with Him that I Live only for eternity, with no regard for my surroundings. Wherever I am - it matters little except that I do anything to which He calls me.

May He forgive my selfish mindset as I reach toward Him and away from me.




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Location:Korea

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

preparation is done...all except me

I worked extremely hard the past couple of days to be completely packed by last night.  I made it!

I wanted to get details out of the way so that my focus could be razor sharp (as sharp as I can be...ok...just go with me here!)

I find I often go into events, or opportunities in my life 'prepared' physically but not spiritually or mentally.  Today, unless God brings something to my attention I forgot, details are done - my suitcase is already out of my house!  And my prayer is- that produces a focused day/evening in Him.

I have no idea why God has chosen me to experience the honor of serving abroad.  It's something I said I'd never do.  Not out of disobedience, I believed with all my heart that God had called me to the local church alone.  I was wrong.

Each of us are called to serve Him locally as well as wherever He opens doors around the country or elsewhere.  My serving is now fully rounded, although not complete until the day I draw my last breath.  I clearly see how our abundance here in the States demands that we go or send others.  You may think you cannot afford it, but, all it takes is living a balanced budget life everyday (which is what God asks all of us to do), and if He opens the door to go anywhere the means will be there.

I challenge you to clean up your finances whatever that means in your life and live within your means so that you have freedom to follow Him.   I understand unforeseen circumstances can be totally financially devastating, just trust HIm and live obediently He will open doors.  Refuse to live in the bondage that Satan offers - telling you "you need this, buy this, you deserve to have this..." his lies destroy the joy of serving.

Please pray for me, but also for yourself that you may see God's leading in your life, where does He want you to serve?

Step outside your everyday life and ask God to show you where you need to be involved, how He can use you in a unique way that only you were created to fulfill, and celebrate your life in Him.  In Him is where we were created to abide...

Please pray for our team as we go tomorrow, you can follow everything that goes on daily (as long as we have internet) by reading my blog as well as the Missions Blog www.crossroadsgomissions.org 




See you all in a couple of weeks!!


Monday, June 11, 2012

my day off

Today was quite the mixture of things...

First - camp out of sorts in our son's living room Sunday night which allowed us to work all evening and into the wee hours of the morning on his new house.  5 hours later the alarm announced it was time to get up much to our disappointment!

Following a quick trip to Lowe's and McDonalds - it was back to work we went.  My assignment, to remove 5 distinct layers of flooring in the current kitchen - soon to become an elegant 'sitting room', so that the current kitchen can be relocated in the former dining room...oh well, you get the idea - everything is shifting!  At 4:30 we called it quits and began to make our way to the car because we were supposed to be at a suitcase packing party at Crossroads by 7:00.  An hour later (delayed by a few last project details) we drove toward home!

Needless to say, we were late to the packing party - but arrived with plenty yet to do!

How exciting to watch as everyone worked to make sure every orphan would be getting and even amount of gifts!  I cannot wait to see the look on their faces when they open up all that the generous gifts that their Crossroads parents selected just for them!

With suitcases packed and organized, we each stood next to our assigned 'extra' 50 lb bag just to make sure everyone was clear on what they were responsible to get through the airport - checked in and safely to the hotel in Cambodia!  My husband and I had 3 - 50 lb bags with our names on them.  This was due to the fact that Ron assured the leaders that we could fit everything we were taking in just one 50 lb bag...  This is yet to be seen because I honestly think I have 50 lbs of just candy laying at home waiting to be packed, let alone my personal belongings!  We will see!!

Now after an exhausting 2 days I must sleep in preparation for our trip.  Please pray for all of us as we travel to work with the orphans and participate in out-reaches in Cambodia that we pray bring new believers into the Kingdom of our Lord, brothers and sisters for eternity in another land!



weekend report

Another weekend come and gone...unbelievable!

It was a God filled weekend.

Comments from a first time visitor and several attendees I talked to were very willing to express their delight in what they had learned this weekend at Crossroads!  I always consider these conversation to be a gift straight from the Lord.  I am not often in our Town Square as people exit, in stead I am usually making suggestions to the team or changing a detail last minute.  The teaching and worship were extraordinary...again!

Our setlist:

Alive In You - Hillsong
My Savior Lives- New Life
Lay Me Down - Passion
Amazed - Brewster
Give Me Faith - Elevation Worship
Message:  Stories Pt 3:  The Man From Horse Town
Exit Song:  This I Know - New Life

To watch our services go to www.crossroadswired.com

To see what other ministries did in their worship services go to www.theworshipcommunity.com




Friday, June 8, 2012

preparing to go

I leave soon for Cambodia.  Me - who claimed missions work was "for other people called to that type of thing"...how embarrassing ...

It takes preparation to go.

Not just buying little travel things.  Really preparing asking Him - "Why are you sending me?"

I just finished printing pictures of our family for our Cambodian daughter - bought her things for her beautiful long dark hair.  In many ways she is an awful lot like my natural children.  She loves to sing, she is an amazing artist and does very well in school.  My children are similar - but unrelated to Senghong.  We now however ARE family and will spend eternity together.

Preparation has been difficult in the midst of so many projects and distractions...and yet time praying, planning and humbling myself before the Lord is what is required for a trip fully participated in.  I have been examining all that I have, asking the Lord what she needs me to take.  What is there that the Lord has given me, so that I may bless her?  We have too much.  It's almost embarrassing as I walk through our home to see how much God has chosen to bless us with.  Not big fancy expensive things - and yet just more than we need.  And so as the examination and preparation continues I wait to see what next week will bring.  To see our precious Cambodian daughter again is simply amazing, a blessing that I can never deserve.




Wednesday, June 6, 2012

my friends today

I was blessed today by spending time with friends.

I began the day with my friends on the Crossroads Staff hiking at Mohican - devotions on the trail and  time spent considering the spiritual maturity of our brothers and sisters at Crossroads.  We discussed what the most important elements are that move people forward in their walk with Christ.  We learned as a staff ways that we can help in their  process.  Several hours spent with my dear friends, time well spent encouraging us in the things of the Lord.

Back at Crossroads I spent several hours finishing up details with 2 of our college interns, amazed at the amount of creative work they both produced in just a few short weeks.  New friends.

And finally an evening meeting with the Crossroads Creative Arts Team.  Artists - they fascinate me, the way their minds work - the talents God has given them - the urgency they feel in being used of the Lord...friends I love spending time with!

Now home - thankful for a life full of friends...   New friends and old friends.

My God created me with the need for friends, for relationship, for community.  I am very, very thankful for all He has given me.  Today was amazing!