a second look

When you hear the phrase a second look, many things come to mind.

• Men taking a second look at a pretty girl
• When we're searching for a new home we might decide to take a second look at one we may be interested in.
• When you're confused by what you thought you just saw, so you decide to take a second look just to make sure.

I recently got the dreaded call back from my doctor wanting radiologists from Columbus to take a second look at my yearly mammogram.  I knew that if I saw the office name come up on my phone  on a certain day it would only be because they wanted to see me again. That was a second look I never wanted to happen.  And of course this couldn't happen for two weeks!

The Lord was extremely kind and they had an opening just a couple days after I got 'the call".

Within minutes of arriving and having another mammogram, I was assured all was good, and instantly all my concern turned to thankfulness to the Lord, the great healer.

But, it was interesting as I went through my day how almost a feeling of guilt came over me for celebrating good health.

I've watched several of my closest friends going through countless testing just trying to identify what they're struggling with right now and it made me wonder why God chose me to be well.   I also have other friends who have a long road back to good health after facing a difficult diagnosis.

So the question that would not leave me was - if my diagnosis had been different, would I have still come out of that doctors office praising the Lord?  I didn't know...

I guess if even such a minor scare caused me to reach out to the Lord and ask for His help, I can see how these couple days of concern were used to turn my heart more fully toward Him.  It caused me to take a second look at what should be priorities and even to deal with the shame of worry which stands in direct contrast to a trusting spirit.

I plan to keep taking a second look at my life - asking the Lord to reveal what needs to change, and to be more involved with those who are going through suffering right now.


On this beautiful morning this scripture came to my mind...

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
23 they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness. 
Lamentations 3:22 & 23

an odd day so far

This morning was quite odd.

I had no focus.

I accomplished a few things, nothing note-worthy, but just had this great un-focus.  Maybe it's the lack of focus that comes when you have so many things that need to happen that you freeze instead of choose?  So I decided to do easy things.

A load of laundry.
I cleaned my refrigerator.
Fed the birds.
Made poached eggs.

And finally, I read Matthew 1, my Bible chapter for the day.  There I found myself reading the genealogy that lead to the birth of Christ.

Once again I marveled at their faith.  Becoming pregnant without 'knowing' a man.  Realizing she was carrying the promised Messiah.

It is completely impossibly to read God's Word and not be affected or not to re-gain heaven focus.

So today AGAIN, I submit to Him, I turn my cares over to Him, I trust Him.

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

"I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

Powerful.

Philippians 4:13.

what I learned today

I've been searching for a study that combines prayer and scripture, so why am I surprised when the Lord gives me exactly what I prayed for?

I received a totally unsolicited study in the mail yesterday and it appears that it is EXACTLY what I've been looking for!  A 10 week prayer journaling study - short - concise and personally challenging.  Working in ministry I've become aware how casually I tell people I'll pray for them, and I have to confess unless I write their name down right there and then I often forget.  This provides me a place to write down specific names, and to write my prayers out before the Lord - accountability.

At this point I'm not going to share what the title is because I'm just in day 1, and I don't know the content yet.  I've been highly disappointed in some of the pastoral associations that have emerged lately between some of the people I thought were theologically safe to study.   So, that causes me not to jump the gun and recommend much.  Instead I'm going to pray harder then ever for God to protect Crossroads theologically - to anoint our church with great discernment which sometimes means we are forced to point out problems we see with others' teachings.

Back to what I learned today, sitting in my favorite place this morning with sunshine pouring through trees that are still raining from last nights shower, I studied creation.  Genesis 1:1-27

Oh my word!   Talk about the pages of scripture coming alive before my eyes!!   I heard bird calls I've never noticed before, I saw annoying bugs fly past me and watched dew laden flowers reach toward the sun.   I saw a woodpecker that God decided needed a bright red head!  Amazing detail!

A cardinal came calling

Talk about a Creative God!  But creativity alone only creates chaos - orderliness is equally important, God had a plan.

The teaching talked about how God considers a blend of creativity and order to be the most effective way of working.  He needs both type of personalities to operate as He intended.  He said His creation was good, but it goes on to talk about if we had seen those first few days of creation - we may not have thought it good, seed-bearing plants with no sunshine?  God knew what was coming next, so He knew it was good!

The same applies to our lives.

Do we have problems trusting in His plans?  He sees into eternity and we only see this moment.
He knows how we fit into His plan - do we really trust Him?

What a convicting challenge to lay our my life COMPLETELY unconcerned with what is next.  That is my goal today - a day of obedience capturing every word and every thought of useless worry.

I was reminded again this morning to fully lean into God - what I learned today is that I'm simply a piece of the overall plan He designed - created specifically to help in this small span of time for His glory.

what I learned today

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. EPHESIANS 3 : 20– 21

The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. ROMANS 8 : 6

He is able to do IMMEASURABLY more, even than we IMAGINE!

I love that He added this, we talk about prayer requests and pray without ceasing - but beyond ANYTHING we ask or even IMAGINE to ask of Him, He is able to do!  SO COMFORTING!

And then I went on to read - The mind CONTROLLED by the Spirit….oh how I long to be SO controlled by Him that nothing rattles me or concerns me.

This is my confession, again…..I don't know if I truly can turn something completely over to Him.  That is a sad confession - it speaks of how limited my trust and belief in Him deep down inside is -sadly.   But, I LONG for this kind of complete trust - I move toward it asking Him to possess my mind completely.  I purpose to give all control and worry to Him - it's nothing for Him to take on the burdens that paralyze me.  In fact as a child of God He already carries it, I just think it's mine to bare, or am tricked by satan to think that so I'm not effective for the kingdom…silly….

Today I learned AGAIN, that my burdens are NOT my own - that He controls every thing and has for generations, and that I just need to lay it out to Him.

AGain and again - my study takes me to these type of passages, so I admit it - I'm a control freak and it's time to really really release and abide in Him and live the life and peace He offers me.

Am I the only one that struggles in this area of releasing?

a deep ache

I was just doing laundry this morning - playing with Vern, more like side-stepping Vern trying to avoid steeping on him when I got this deep ache -   an ache to read God's words and focus on the Lord.

So I picked up my Bible and read Chapter 2 of Habakkuk in preparation for the weekend's teaching at Crossroads.

What did God have for me to learn from this chapter?  It's full of concern over God's seeming lack of response to evil - that's certainly current as I look around at the concern of today's believers watching our freedoms slip away.  Wondering why God doesn't just crush the evil coming into our country.

It's also full of waiting - waiting for God's timing becuase He is the only one that see the eternal picture.  Think of that - the pockets of believers being tortured and killed around our world right now - the starvation of children going on around the world - He sees it as one piece one picture on a page in man's determination to rule himself minus God.  God the creator or man.  Crazy!

So trust and waiting - that's what the first two chapters seem to be full of.  What is my response to God?  Does my lack of trust and contentment show Him I truly don't believe that He is in control?  Does my worry tell Him I feel He's incapable of controlling our future?  Even if our future holds trial and things way out of our comfort zone?

I am anxious for Pastor Tim's teaching this weekend - and my ache has been fulfilled by God's Word once again.

It's crazy that my freedom allows me to physically pick up His Word whenever I choose - and many times I choose instead to remain in my lack of trust and worry.  For only in Him is my heaviness of life relieved ed and my burdens washed away.

asking God

I struggle to trust that when I ask God for something He will give it to me...I know this is wrong. Just being honest.

Why would he give me the things I ask for when so many around the earth are praying for life itself? Praying just for daily bread? One of the mysteries of God. He says to ask.

So I have.

There is an opportunity I have (nothing that important, just something I want to do), and it doesn't appear that it will happen. So, I asked God to show me if He wants it for me or whether I do not need it. He has 2 weeks.

Do you struggle to ask for things that may seem trivial in light of the struggles around you?

what i learned today

Well, I learned several things...I learned I worry too much. (My husband tells me that all the time). Does that mean I don't trust God?

Worry: to torment oneself with or suffer from disturbing thoughts; fret.

Ok here is what got me started worrying. I was talking with my sister last night about the economy, she is on staff at a church too. We know the economy is bound at some point to affect the church so we were just discussing what that could look like...

This discussion led to problems in America, what if the whole county collapses, "we just have to trust God", but then we talked about all the people suffering around the world and what makes us think we are so special that God would not require us to suffer too? My sister and I should not be allowed to talk with one another...we get each other so depressed we can't sleep!

So, back to the question, do I REALLY trust God?

Trust: reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confidence.

I do trust my God! His trustworthiness has NOTHING to do with my comfort, my health, my happiness. He knows all, He sees all - I see a very small area directly around me, that's it. My worry wastes my life. Distracts me from focusing on Him, is an indicator that I am not spending enough time in the Word and prayer.

I am very anxiously awaiting the next series at Crossroads on prayer. My daughter was just telling me how much time she's been spending in prayer at the little prayer chapel they have on campus at her college. She sets the example of prayer for me, this is where trust begins. A focused longing to know Him more. Worrying happens when I rely on myself, trying to figure out things alone - I commit to turn my thoughts toward the creator that holds us all in his hands. No matter what the circumstance!

what I learned today

I want peace! Peace and quiet, peace between my Christian brothers and sisters, peace within the church, peace from guilt! Impossible...maybe, maybe not.



So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.
Romans 14:19

Those without Christ seek peace from their outer circumstances. Peace will never come. They hope for a leader that can bring peace, they long for peace among their family and friends. Wouldn't we all be happier with world peace and conflict free circumstances? Peace of course is impossible in this imperfect world, impossible for a non-believer.

Peace for the believer is very different. A believer has peace in their heart, the Holy Spirit trains the mind to think differently then when they were lost. A believer's behavior should show that they are different, and that they truly believe that all things will work together for good to those that know the Lord! Our God does not remove difficult circumstances, He won't because we learn too much from difficulties. Instead He brings peace even in the midst of difficult non-peaceful circumstances. Peace is one of the things that sets a believer apart, one of the things that speak to a non-believer who wants peace in his life so desperately!

Can you trust the Lord with all your circumstances? I learned today, I must trust Him completely and the end result will be peace...no matter what goes on around me!

chasing maturity

In my study this morning, I studied one of the most encouraging passages in Scripture.

Hebrews 12:1-3
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted.

He endured this so I would not give up! Wow! Certainly nothing I have ever gone through comes close to this sacrifice God gave.

My study went on to discuss how we can sometimes be chasing meaningless "maturity practices" or goals that can take our focus completely off of Jesus himself. This was freeing to me, described my continuous discouragement at failed trys! Looking to Jesus, abide in Him is all He asks, no lists, no trying to live up to others expectations!

Spiritual disciplines are good things, striving to mature spiritually is a good thing, but then the author of my study went on to say this; "perhaps spiritual growth is actually as simple and natural as breathing, when our focus is on Jesus and not on the breathing itself..." profound!

He calls me to just be focused on Him, when my eyes focus elsewhere I become easily discouraged. I love Him, I live for Him, I trust Him and I pledge my focus and life purpose to Him!! Chasing maturity simply leads me into His arms.

What I learned today

I learned that leaving your youngest child at college is a mixed bag of emotions. I expected to be completely a mess, but her excitement was contagious.

Our colleague and friends, Mary Kay and Mark Pierce are also experiencing empty nest. Their experience dropping their final daughter off at Cedarville was incredible. Both from amazing programing created for parents of Freshman, as well as the entire Freshman student body arriving at the same time.

Our experience was different. Although IWU has a full weekend planned for the parents of Freshman, our daughter had to come early due to an editing position. So, we simply moved her in, hung out all day and headed home.

I think the lack of complete devastation is due in part to the fact that I know we get to come back on SundayMonday with our son. He attends the same college. It will be so exciting to see her again after she has been on her own for a week. She will have completed her Newspaper orientation and will be full of stories and information relating to her job. But most
I would guess, stories about her new friends. I cannot wait!

We have fully participated in our daughter's life. We have attended everything she has ever participated in, no small task, as well as filling our home with her friends. We have taught her the Word of God both verbally and hopefully by our lifestyle. We now release her to fulfill whatever God created her to accomplish. It will be one of the most exciting chapters of her life!