a great outpouring

I have never experienced anything in my life like the passing of my father, on many levels.

One is the great outpouring of love and support in the form of cards and letters that are still coming from my friends and relatives.  Another was the amazing food that friends brought to us!

As I sat with my mom this afternoon - I read through all the cards she has received.   I couldn't believe the pile of cards and notes she had!  The thing we marveled at was that nearly every card had extensive writing in it.  The amazing detail people included about their relationship with dad made us smile.  And the only ones that didn't contain extra writing, were from people that we've spent time with and talked to over the past several weeks, or from people who didn't know my dad, but sent beautiful cards to encourage us - a generous outpouring!

As I returned home today, my husband handed me the mail which also still contained cards coming from dear friends!

Thank you so much!

It's so hard to believe it's been a week ago that we held dad's funeral service.  Out of all the services I've helped to create, it was my greatest honor.  I loved him so so much...

We invited dad's pastor whom he loved to open the service and then family members lead the rest.

Eric and Jocelyn lead the music

My brother John read scripture

Aaron had the difficult task of reading the families' memories of dad and my brother-in-law Rob Barlow delivered a perfect message, and then my precious hubby gave the graveside message!  I was thankful for the talents of each family member, so thankful!

The veterans were so kind to honor dad too!

My mom only wanted to have 2 hours of visiting hours right before the funeral service, which was at 3:00 p.m.- so I was worried that she might be disappointed in attendance on a workday.  But everyone  just kept coming and coming to pay their respects to my amazing dad.

They came to pay respect to the man that taught me who God is, what kind of a man I deserved to marry and how to raise kid's to love the Lord.  The man that adored my mom for nearly 60 years.

I miss him desperately and just cannot thank you all enough for all of your care, your support and your example of what it means to have amazing brothers and sisters in Christ.

Now we turn our attention to mom and the tremendous changes that she will be experiencing.  To lose a partner after so many years...so difficult.  One of the saddest pictures from the whole experience was the one of mom walking out of Hospice with all of dad's possessions for the final time.  It makes my heart ache.

But she's leaning into her Heavenly Father and continues to encourage everyone else - an amazing women for sure!

Thanks for continued prayer!

rehearsing to worship well

I think this is the 19th Easter I've had the privilege to be part of at Crossroads, and it's the first one my dad will miss.

It's always so humbling when you watch many hands touch a concept and bring to life what once was just in a folder in a your drawer, this concept became filled with Holy Spirit filled life.

As I'm critiquing and watching every move of our Easter rehearsal, listening to every note - I worship, almost so overcome I cannot watch.  Forever He is Glorified...forever He is lifted High...my dad's singing too - I know it.

We try to worship as we should and then every once in while when we prepare well, we stand before him forgiven, then we catch a glimpse for just a moment of what it may be some day in heaven.

While we remain for a while with hurt, and sin in a scared world - dad worships His Savior face to face.  And as we try to understand what worship really is - there is no effort in my dad's worship, he cannot resist it - nothing else enters his mind but continuous worship of the only Savior of our world!

Until then, I'm just asking you all not to miss the opportunity to worship this weekend - don't forsake the gathering together of saints as we celebrate the amazing undeserved love of our Savior!

I'm a little less whole

Yesterday and all the past years of my life, my dad was a huge part of me.  This morning as he passed I felt just a little less whole.   Like something is missing now.

I am so thankful I got to be with him non-stop over the past few weeks.  But, it's been very difficult to watch the man I grew up in love with, shrink away before my very eyes.

This father of mine was strong and independent and suddenly in 3 weeks time became totally dependent on others.  All decision making was removed from him as he had doctors telling him what he had to do next and squads moving him from hospital to Hospice to home to Hospice..people bathing him and medicating him, I could hardly stand to watch all privacy and dignity be taken from him.

But, even as he was taken from the home he loved - he treated everyone kindly, his sarcastic humor had never been sharper and the stories that were told will be remembered forever by all that participated! And oh how he talked of the Lord - a testimony to the end!

Everyone had different ways of saying goodbye - I found myself even today as he took his final breaths stroking his arm and then kissing his head goodbye.  Both things were something I'm not sure I've ever done before.  But it's all I could do as we assured him it was ok to go to be with Jesus.

Later in his empty bedroom today, I started to go through pictures in preparation for the funeral and physically saw the little things he had that were important to him.   Simple things, things he's touched in the past, things I now need to hold for a little while.  These things all left behind.

This I know with more certainty then ever in my life - he is not in that coffin -  he has been welcomed into His Saviors arms!

All his hardships and all disappointments have faded, and all longings have been fulfilled with just one glimpse of Yahweh!  He probably fell on the ground in breathtaking amazement of God Almighty!

I loved him fiercely, and he encouraged me endlessly so I'm perhaps less whole without him.  But I think any loss, any trial, drives us to long more and more to be present with Jesus ourselves!  And only then - in heaven's glory will I too feel the glorified fulfillment that my dad experienced at 10:27 a.m. this morning.

unfinished plans

Jeremiah 29:11


11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

a beautiful early morning at Crossroads 

This morning I worked out in the back of Crossroads preparing chains for our Easter set design. About 8:30 I was just getting a good start when a call came from mom. What I thought my plans were for the day suddenly became not so important.


My dad was being moved back to the Hospice facility.


As my girlfriends surrounded me in my office, placing arms around me with tears in their eyes, I wondered how people face the loss of family without this kind of support.


But as I drove toward Ashland again - I found myself worried that the details of Easter may never get done. It was such a crazy thought to consider that details beyond my control had in a sense become chains of worry... the concept of shackled I'd been developing was present in my own life... And then the Jeremiah scripture came to my mind and I remembered the Gospel of Jesus will be proclaimed despite any unfinished plans. And that I can have complete confidence and freedom in Christ!


Today I sit writing obituaries and organizing a celebration of life service instead of the Easter service details like I had planned. No one is predicting how long dad has, but things are clearly shutting down so we are preparing now to eliminate all last minute stress and so that we can be fully present with him no matter how much time is left.







For I know the plans I have for you ...

saying goodbye

Psalm 139:16

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.


Commentary reads: "my life was planned out by God, and settled, before I began to be."


Before I began to be....


I am in a dark hospital room right now listening to my dad's labored breathing...his occasional moaning when he whispers "I don't feel good". This is hard to hear.


He is a man that worked harder perhaps then anyone else I know, often working 2 jobs followed by helping with grandpas farming. He cared for us.


I remember the times he refused to budge on what he believed was best for me not allowing me to attend an event so that I could work, my response at least once was to hide in the cornfield.
I remember hearing him calling for me to come home, probably scared I'd run away, when I was actually only a few rows deep.
I remember after arguing with my mom one day he told me she cried herself to sleep, that was all he had to say to get deep remorse from me even as a teen.
I remember the time he tried to teach us kids never to play with firecrackers and it blew up in his face.
We never played with firecrackers.
I remember him trying to fix cars himself to save money and at least once it exploded from wires crossed or gas exposed.
I pay a mechanic.
I remember hearing his dumb beagles howling when storms were coming and people borrowing them to hunt raving about the quality of those dogs.
I have Vern.
I remember he and mom deciding to put my sister and I in private Christian education even though they didn't have the money.
Before the application reached the school, someone donated money in our names to pay our tuition - I learned to step out in faith.
I remember being the last family out of the church building every single week after cleaning following services.
Last weekend at Crossroads my hubby and I turned out the lights.
I remember my whole life watching how much he loved my mom.
My hubby and I celebrate 38 years in September.

And today he's saying, "I'm ready to go to heaven"....

It appears that His Lord may be calling to him soon to end his journey based on the condition of his heart following an apparent heart attack yesterday.



I'm not ready to lose my dad even though he's had 87 years here on earth. Losing someone I love always makes me take a hard look at myself - not fun.

Beginning to say goodbye makes me have to wonder, can people look at my life and understand exactly why God needed to create me?

a quiet acceptance

How suddenly life can change.

Our lives have moved from occasionally discussing our inevitable death, to knowing what the cause of dad's will probably be in an instant.

My dad was diagnosed with Leukemia last week, 3 days later, chemo has begun.

As I sat with mom and dad for the second morning at the cancer clinic, I noticed how very quiet it was.  I looked again across the room at all of the patients just quietly lounging in their recliners as the slow drip of life sustaining fluid entered their bodies.

No music, TV only IF you wear headsets in honor of the surrounding patients' quiet reflection.

I wondered what their minds were thinking?  What things are most important to them now?
I look at completely hopeless faces here as well as faces with a quiet smile perhaps resting in their assurance of what comes next in the Lord?  But, oh so quiet...

As it has been with our family always - we are probably the noisiest ones there - choosing the chair furthest in the back of the room so dad can face the outdoors he loves so much instead of worrying about bothering all the people with our conversations..  I quite unexpectedly was moved to tears when I looked outside.


Through the window of the clinic I saw a totally unintentional design left by the snow plow truck. Although unintentional to him, perhaps the Lord had great intention for it.  I believe it was created just for me - no one saw it but me...He loves me it said - and the assurance of Him being fully aware of our circumstances washed over me!  A sustaining assurance.

After marveling at His love for me, I turned back to what lies before us.


Our acceptance of this new development balances somewhere between it still not being a reality to focusing on what needs to be done.

This could be the thing in our lives that the Lord will choose to use to reveal Himself more than He could through any other circumstance.  I hope He will find us worthy.

My prayer is first of all asking the Lord to provide comfort for my dad and then my mom.  But secondly that this can be a glorious time before Him when faith becomes sight in His perfect timing and that we can be used as an illustration of God's strength and the ultimate hope for eternity with Him.

Meanwhile a quiet acceptance will be what we continue to work through asking all of our friends to be patient with us as our focus will surely drift away from things we normally would attend to.



And last of all my precious dad says "well kiss old Rose,  that many people are praying for ME?"

Thank you my friends.

our son

Eric my son with his son - Oliver and me.

Eric is our son.

He is a lot like his father, whom I adore, so God has blessed me with 2 men I adore...well, actually 4 men I adore if you're counting my son-in-law and my dad!

Eric always stood back to see if others were going to push it too far, or get in trouble before he would join in any of the orneriness of his friends.   I call this wisdom - even though it was early in his life that I first witnessed this.

When my hubby and I talked to Eric at an early age about the Lord - he told us a couple of times he was thinking about it.  This was about 5 years of age.

Then one day - he came and told us he was ready.  I call this wisdom!

His creativity has always fascinated me.  I love to watch to see what 'his take' on things will be.  It's always unique, and it's usually right.

He's smart.  I fought, and begged and tried to be creative in encouraging the completion of reading requirements and other homework assignments.  They always got done in his timing not mine - and he was very, very seldom if ever late with his work.  It was the process that was unorthodoxed, at least according to me, but it worked and I learned to let him figure it out.

Isn't that in fact the most difficult decision of parenting?  To let them figure out things for themselves as they become capable of doing that?

And now he is the High School Student Ministry Pastor.

I watch students follow him around.   I see that he has an ability far beyond his years to teach and connect with them and I stand and watch as if seeing him for the first time.

And now our son is a dad.

Everyone told me - being a grandparent is like nothing you've ever experienced before and they were right.  But, it's not just having a grandchild that's AMAZING, it's watching our son parent.  Unbelievable.. and it causes me to thank the Lord every time I watch he and his wife love their son.

I write this today to tell all of you - keep working with your kids.  They won't be perfect, neither is our son - but he loves the Lord and he loves his family.

Eric is my son - and it's one of the greatest, most fulfilling pieces of my life.

traveling dad stories

Today as I drove with my dad to visit my mom in the hospital, the stories flowed and I wanted to get them down in writing before they slip away…

Russ Forbes - one of the best men on earth

He was the driver for the Chief Warrant Officer in the army.  He told me tales of a cocky sergeant that one day told dad he was no longer the driver.  The Chief Warrant Officer called the sergeant out in front of the whole division and stood nose to nose with him and loudly announced that HE would let him know when and if 'Forbes' was relieved of driving duty!

Another time he was laying on the wing of an officer's bi-winged plane guarding the airport when a guy known to be a prankster - tried to sneak up on dad by turning the lights off on his jeep and quietly coasting up to the plane.  Dad seeing them coming slid off the wing, cocked his M1 30 caliber rifle and yelled 'halt' the guys about had a heart attack and quickly identified themselves.

He had 7 straight bull eyes shooting from the prone position over and over - a sergeant bent down and told dad, "if you keep shooting like that son, they're going to make you a sniper."  From that point on dad shot at other peoples targets and tried to shoot at the red flags the guys down below in the pit waved to indicate misses.

Another time he was the guard for the prison compound and paid a guy $20 to take his place one night.  The guy left his post, his rifle, and took an unauthorized jeep to the PX to buy booze.  The Captain jumped all over dad for paying someone to take his shift and the other guy got  thrown into the brig - court-martialed on 7 charges and sentenced to 30 years in prison- all of this just 30 days short of being discharged.

In preparation for being shipped out for combat in Korea dad had a dentist appointment.  The dentist tried to pull a wisdom tooth - he ended up cracking his jaw and allowing him never to have to face war!  The down side was a liquid diet for 4 months in the hospital and then they kept his mouth wired shut too long making it impossible to open his mouth and eat - forcing another doctor to stick his hand in his mouth and jerk open his bottom jaw.  Now he couldn't shut his mouth!   Maybe war wasn't such a bad deal after all!

While recovering from his jaw they couldn't stop his bleeding.  He asked his buddy on the lower bunk if he could sleep down there so he could get out of bed easier, his friend agreed and proceeded to spend the evening in the PX drinking.  In the middle of the night forgetting he was now on the top bunk, he got up to use the restroom and did a face plant on the floor beside my dad.  He climbed up and said, "BLEEP Forbes - what happened??!"

I love my dad and I LOVE his tales!  He still remembers everything!   I definitely didn't inherit his memory!!

my day off

It's been a long time since we've taken even a couple of days to get out of town with our family.

It's perfect - everyone can do exactly as they please!  Bicycle or walk to the beach, drive to the pier to fish, walk to DQ or simply sit and watch baseball on TV.  A great change from regular.

Nothing spectacular, but spectacular is not what we require so it's perfect.

The main goal is simply to enjoy our time together - taking in every moment, breathing deeply and moving slowly.  There's no guarantee how many times together any of us have - so I'm determined to create those times.  A good strategy which fits our lives is to do multiple 3 day outings - requiring us not to be away too long and not to use our vacation time all up at one time.

The pictures say the rest, and there will be more pictures - we're leaving for dinner soon which is always an adventure with my family, we will see.

a welcome to Huron!

no offense intended - but, this is the cutes grandson on earth

taking to grandpa

family at the lake

my dad

my day off

I woke up today at 5:30 a.m. to be with my dad as he had a stress test at the hospital.  We won't know the results for a couple of days.  There was nowhere more important than being there.  I was in the right place.

I then went to my parents house, with my sister and her husband as my parents signed a contract to sell the house we all grew up in.  There was no where more important than being there.  I was in the right place.

Next I went to Crossroads and helped hang a couple of things that needed to be put up for Easter.  For that hour there was no where more important than being there.  I was in the right place.

Finally I came back home to make dinner and just be with my hubby and puppy.  There was no where more important then being there.  I was in the right place and I still am.

I am thankful for days off that include great medical care and families and enough to get done that a quick stop at work is needed and hubby and rest and food at home.

My day off was a day I could say that  "I was in the right place".

out on the town

Tonight my hubby and I enjoyed a luxurious night out on the town...or in the country...or whatever!

The Farmers Town Institute play was our destination.  We all know it's simply impossible to watch a play or movie without snacks. And since I know the location to which we were heading didn't sell snacks and knowing my brother and his son and various other relatives would be there, I emptied my purse and stuffed it full of snacks and off we went. 

First we visited Uncle John's Restaurant down on 'the square'.  We had heard great things about it and decided to give it a try.  I'm not sure what hubby ordered - as you can see it appears they simply piled on everything they had back in the kitchen!  I loved their salad!  We will definitely go back - if we live from overeating. 

Next we headed to the play.

The program we were handed said the "117th year" of the Institute, I wasn't sure if the yearly play had been going on for 117 years or if the institute had just been around that long.  I've been attending since I could walk - always getting a small bag of candy to take and arriving early so we could sit in the front row with all the other little kids.  Great memories!  Tonight we attended just to be with my parents.

The play didn't hold my attention but the fascination of watching a tiny community come together to create something did.  It took scenery painters, and stage hands, and actors, and people gathering door prizes.  The place was packed, they laughed and pointed and waived at people they knew and clapped loudly. At the end of the play they call out ticket numbers for door prizes - I won the very first one!  A ten dollar bill - I promptly turned to my dad and handed it to him to pay for the tickets.

It was fun to watch- and priceless to hear my dad laugh beside me.

Out on the town wasn't fancy at all.  But it was so good!