A whirlwind of a month

It has been quite the past few weeks! 

• son turned 30 = multiple parties
• work began on Crossroads' Easter services
• daughter engaged to an amazing, Godly man
• visit to meet her future family-in-law 
• fun with grand-babies
• prayer with our unbelievable Crossroads staff
• visited church-in-the-mall in Florida (I missed Crossroads)
• decided after arriving in Florida to take a last minute cruise

What these things caused is much praise and worship of my precious Lord!  I am a wife and mom overwhelmed with thankfulness for the faithfulness of God through celebrations as well as difficult times, a time of refreshment as I visited another church on vacation and the most restful time away I have EVER had when we decided to take a last minute cruise!  So thankful!

Just a few shots from this whirlwind past few weeks!

Surprise Eric!

Our 'dabbing' grandson

staff prayer

The beautiful entrance to Jared's families' farm event center

Our trip to North Carolina

Future location of Jared and Joci's home

Last minute cruise decision!

Baby towel animal

I believe this was taken in the tropics - during Mansfield's snow storm!

Our balcony room surprise upgrade!

I've had a lot more time lately to think and to pray, and it's been a good, reflective time of rest.

I am forever thankful and rest in Him for whatever comes next!

what I learned today

With the flurry of the weekend celebration at Crossroads behind me, I'm back in my favorite spot on my deck, worshipping the Lord as I read the account of Jesus washing the disciples feet.

I've written before about a couple opportunities I've had with people who aspire to greatness wanting to be 'in charge' of something.  In both cases I've assured them that even if their gifting is leading - there's way more to leading especially in the church, than leading like a CEO.

This is NOT suggesting that I have it all figured out - I goof up weekly with leadership choices I make.

But, we must try to be humble.  You must be willing to do whatever it takes - even very behind the scenes junky jobs.  You must be willing to be the last man out of the church door.  If not, you'll lead but have no true following.

Beth Moore says, God grants greatness to those who lead with a lap full of feet, like Jesus demonstrated when he washed his disciples feet.  She guessed that if Jesus had asked for a volunteer to wash everyone's feet - none of them would have volunteered!

He talks over and over about being servants to others and very little in contrast about leadership.  He knew what we'd struggle with!


I find it terribly comforting just to see in scripture over and over such practical application for my life's struggles.  What a testimony to the fact that God knew we'd need a manual to live by, and what an amazing thing that He wrote it to apply to every single generation with no changes needed.

He created us and watched us walk away from Him in selfishness - He knew we'd sin and struggle - and still He gives us everything we could possibly ever need to live strongly, correctly, unselfishly, humbly and madly in love with Him when we realize this manual called the Bible can teach us how to live and how to avoid all the problem our dumb choices cause us.

This past year I've felt a couple times a deep tiredness in ministry like I've never known before and that reveals to me that I'm drifting off into my own strength again which certainly isn't what it used to be and it's time for a re-centering, a leaning deep back into Him and His Word. It doesn't take a scientist to know that our bodies are created to rest and that's why scripture talks so much about rest - even making it part of God's plan of Creation.  I'm praising Him this morning for His never ending teaching and patience with me!

He doesn't need my help with anything - I need His...

My day off

1 load of laundry is the extent of my cleaning today I've decided!  Protest!

Outside my window today I see little patches of orange and yellow, and although I LOVE the fall in Ohio, I am not prepared for what lies beyond it.  The horrible predictions for this winter are already out there so I choose to pretend it's further off then it is.

I'm trying to decide what will make it feel the most like a day off - the older you get the more you think about making time count.   And we were created to rest.... and spend time in the Word.

As I studied in Daniel today the devotion I was studying ended with this prayer, Father, capture the hearts of those lost in kingdoms of their own making — ourselves included — and seize our affections for you and you alone, the only true King. 


Kingdoms of our own making...whoa.  

I'm trying to view any potential conflict  or decision making first through the eyes of examining my own heart - does any push-back come from my 'selfish kingdom'?  From a 'how dare you question me' attitude?  I sure hope not, but what a question to use before reacting?

"My day-off prayer...Lord I'm SO interested in living for you, seeing with your perspective, understanding those that need help and that need you, and for a day of rest.  Amen."

my day off

I can't even count how many friends in the past couple of weeks have talked about how fast time is going.  It has come up over and over - and not just from people my age...

It's caused me to really spend time thinking about how God wants me to spend my time. - my day off.

I believe He is honored when I rest, when I actually take a day off, but I find myself so swamped on my days off that it interferes with my accomplishments!

And that's where I am right now as I sit down to journal.

I look at what takes my time and I must admit, most of it I suspect God could care less about - it's not what He needs from me.   That's a particularly difficult battle we who are on staff in ministries fight - does our work count as God time since we work for a church?   Or is that in His sight our job and He cares more about the rest of our lives?  Interesting to think about.

First of all I understand  - God has no interest in my 'strivings' - there's nothing I can earn with my work.  If that's true - why do I feel like I always need 'to do'?  American mindset?  I sometimes feel like my life could be best summarized with one of my dad's many phrases - I tend to 'Put the Cart Before the Horse'!  Waiting is seldom in my dictionary.

All of that to say - I'm spending time with Him this morning on my day off - so thankful for that, and I really do care about the priorities of my day, I care that they honor Him, enrich other's lives and accomplish tasks that need to be done - I'm striving toward always being available to Him.

I guess that's truly what it's about, just being available to Him so we don't miss what could be the best things instead of trying to control everything.

If I focus on Him will it slow down the pace of living?  I don't know - but I'm determined to give it a shot - again!

Will you join me today - making room for the very one who created our days?

it's been a while

As some of you may know, we just got home from vacation.

It was the first traveling vacation my husband and I have taken for quite a while.  It was glorious!

Although we had a group of us on the trip - each day everyone did exactly as they pleased and if anyone got bored - there was always a rousing game of euchre or 'oh heck' going on.  I won in euchre but was a disaster in the other.

All that to say, the Lord knew exactly what I needed and He graciously gave it to me.

It's easy to be so busy that you miss your life, your God opportunities, being fully engaged and getting proper rest.  That was the cycle I've been caught in for a while now.  I'm not a victim, I allow it and quite frankly love it.  I love to work and communicate and to see what I can help to create.  But this cycle breeds stress and tiredness.

So as I packed for vacation I knew I had a powerful book or two to take - reading is how I unwind, and I was able to read as much as I wanted to on this trip - couldn't put them down and God used them in a mighty way!  Ortberg is officially one of my favorite authors now!

I want to spend this week writing a little about what I learned each day - I'm still trying to process it all.  As I read I realized I was nearly empty - my soul was weary and begging for focused renewal.

Let me explain this important fact I learned, the difference between busy and hurry from John Ortberg's book.

Being busy is an outward condition - it occurs when we have many things to do.

Being hurried is an inner condition - a condition of the soul.  It means to be so preoccupied with my life that I'm unable to be fully present - unable to occupy this present moment.  I cannot abide in God with a hurried soul.

And I realize I've been hurried for a very long time.  The beginning of the end to hurry started this week - I engaged with my Savior like I haven't for a very long time.  The longing in my heart can only be filled by Him and NOTHING else.  I know all of these things in my head - but my heart, my soul was not satisfied with all the hurry so I really want to continue taking steps in abiding...

For a number of years I've claimed I Corinthians 9:26 & 27 as my life verses and one of the books I read on vacation talked about how important having a life verse is - so here are mine.

Therefore I run in such a way, as not without aim; I box in such a way as not to beat the air;
but, I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that, after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified.

Who would have thought that one of the greatest lack of disciplines we could have is to hurry? 

you realize you're empty

There are several things that getting away does.

One of those things is it allows you to realize you're empty.

I have enjoyed this time away more than most I've had in recent years and it's because it's so simple.  No decisions more serious then 'where should we eat' ?

When your life gets too full, everything feels like a major decision or event.  Every nook and cranny of thinking space gets clogged.

And when something is full it means there isn't room for something else.   And the something could be the greatest thing, and you miss it.

God's greatest teaching times often happened when the rest of the world was shut out - when someone was forced out or forced in..

Blindness, belly of a whale, wilderness, the center of a storm, on a fish-less boat...

I'm listening...I'm alone...I'm resting in Him and praying to simplify

what I learned today

I was reading this morning a chapter from a book I'm studying and this one sentence popped out to me, "one of the main ways God asserts Himself is in the timing of events".   So much unnecessary stress is caused by plunging ahead of Him, even when trying desperately to remain in His will! 

So, I can be pursuing His will and STILL be disobedient by doing things in my own timing.

He offers me rest, and no stress, it's not the circumstances that cause me problems, it's me creating my own agenda from a timing standpoint.

I could instead choose to just sit tight in His will and let Him do the navigating!

I can pictures it - awakening everyday with -- a peaceful soul - content in HIm, anxious in a healthy way to see what He'll reveal to me on this day.  Ready to obey but not at all concerned about the details beyond my daily responsibilities.

I continue to complicate His Calling, His life for me.

My brother (who is 9 years younger than I am), described me to a friend as being nearly 60 years old the other day…. this got my attention big time.  I keep so busy I don't fully grasp how important it is to choose wisely where and how to invest my life.

Those of you who read my blog hear me wrestle with this same BUSY issue over and over - I'm sorry that I talk about the same things so much.   But, when I began this blog it was to honestly document my life daily without worry about who was reading or even if anyone EVER read it.  So I continue to endlessly pour out my confession to Almighty God - about the longings of my heart and short-fallings of my days, hoping it can help especially younger believers not to make the same mistakes.  Before you know it you too will be 'nearly 60' and beginning to look back instead of forward at your whole life.

This realization of age is not a sad thing at all - but, a wake-up call to how quickly time is passing and I want my time to pass fully within Him - deeply within Him, for without the Lord our lives are completely pointless, COMPLETELY POINTLESS!  Let's live purposefully!

But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. 
MATTHEW 6 : 20 – 21

the honest truth

Some of you know I have had 2 night time seizures in the past 2 1/2 years.  I have been through a battery of tests this year all of which have returned to us normal - for which we're thankful.

Tuesday I have my last EEG and then the diagnosis we all assumed will probably be decided...stress and exhaustion.

Today I went in to my favorite Custom Pharmacy and Health Store to pick up more vitamins. 

One of the tests I had done was a saliva test that measures hormone levels and the Pharmacist wanted to talk to me about my test.  He looked at me and said , "you look tired".  He looked very unhappy.

So I followed him into his office and he proceeded to tell me what the results were - there weren't horrible just marginally low and then he said this, "if I could take your cell phone and computer away from you for 6 months and send you away, you would be a different person.  If you continue at this pace you are going to face serious health issues and I'm really worried about you..." 

ok then....

So what do I do with that??

When people that I respect tell me things I listen but i really don't know how to be something i'm not,,,

I'm not writing this for sympathy so please don't feel badly for me. it was just kind of surprising.

I guess I'll go to sleep now.

My day off

We woke up at 3:00 this morning in order to begin our vacation. That doesn't make sense - seems we should be sleeping later than usual if it's truly vacation.

As I look around me I wonder what everyone else's plans are. Business, pleasure or are they leaving something hoping to begin somewhere new. What is everyone leaving behind and what are they going to- what will meet them at their destination? Vacation, heartache, a work day, financial trouble or a waiting family? So interesting to look at everyone and try to guess what lies ahead for them today . I would love to ask them and write their stories...

I considered not bringing any electronic devices but I really wanted to be able to write.

So as we prepare to take a few days off I hope there is a little time to think, to listen and pray and dream...to consider what is next and to rest.

And to write.

resting tonight

Resting is such a blessing...

Tonight we rested. We don't sit still often enough.

Obviously God designed us to need rest. But the surprising thing that rest produces in me every single time I rest is...thankfulness.

When I hurry around I forget to notice what God has done for me. I don't thank him for anything and rush around oblivious to all that He provides.

Rest and thanks. One produces the other in my life.

my day off

COUCH ..

That sums up my day! I sat on the couch, laid on the couch and sewed on the couch!

It is always curious how long you can keep moving - but the moment you stop - you realize just how tired you truly are! Today I discovered this and took full advantage of doing little to nothing!

Running the dishwasher was one of the most strenuous things!

Do you ever wonder if you are ever at your very best - ready to accomplish what God intends? I often wonder how many amazing opportunities I've missed because I am too tired, distracted or focused on trivial things...

I want to follow Him into 2010 confident that I am ready to experience things that can only be explained by the fact that He is the forever almighty all knowing God! I better get rested up!

here it comes

No offense to those meteorologists out there, but do you sometimes wonder what the percentage is on the accuracy of their weather predictions? Well, today they got it right and here it comes! I just saw a Cleveland bus go by delivering skiers to the ski lodge beside our house. Crazy skiers, wonder if they'll be able to get back home??

Well, I for one welcome a snowy, quiet, winter retreat today. I'm very tired, even though I slept 9 hours!! I think that probably means I did too much this week. It's funny, we always blamed the kids for being too busy, but without them home there are no parameters at all on our time...not good in our case. We really need to commit to one day each week free from ministry - with personal/home to-dos or we are probably going to burn out...or our house is going to deteriorate! No one puts these expectations on us, we just love it and aren't good at resting. I'll work on that rest concept this week... I'll begin today!

So I begin today with one simple goal...sitting on the couch, watch the snow and learn how to operate my new phone before I drive everyone crazy that keeps trying to contact me.

Are any of you outside of our Mansfield, Ohio area getting storms today?

blown away

The services are over for another weekend, all went really well! The hustle and bustle of greeting attendees, instructing volunteers, connecting with perspective members, hurrying across a busy lobby to touch a struggling sister in Christ and all the clean up afterward has ended for now. I am blown away by the obvious ways God was present at Crossroads this weekend. Now it is time for rest.When I need rest I go to my deck, no one talking, no music, no noise, just me and God and His fabulous nature!

I am sitting with my back against the side of my house to avoid flying debris and to avoid being blown away!! We are beginning to see the affects of the hurricanes, one of our trees just fell across the road. My husband is now moving all our cars down to our open field to avoid branches. Our dog just ran and hid in the barn! But I am memorized! I can't go in! The clouds are moving the opposite direction of normal, crazy but awesome! So maybe it is not exactly a calm serene scene, but somehow natures' chaos is still comforting. Maybe it is knowing I bare no responsibility for it.

Up to a minute ago it was just me the wind and my thoughts, but they have been disrupted by a familiar sound left over from summer. My son's band is practicing with garage door open. He is home from college and trying to squeeze in a quick practice before returning. I am blown away by my son...(Eric is on the left)

You'll have to excuse me while I soak up his sound before it leaves me once again.