Doubting Doubts - Crossroads

I FINALLY had a day at home to crawl around on hands and knees and scrub and clean all those hidden nooks and crannies - trimmed a few weeds and now am preparing to head to church.

While cleaning I re-listened to the past 3 weekends of the Doubting Doubts series.

It's been great so far.   The idea that it's not a sin to doubt has resinated with everyone I've talked to.

My church experience growing up was loving but made us feel guilty about everything we did wrong, even guilty about doubting anything that was being said.  I'm so thankful for freedom from that guilt now and look forward to learning more this weekend!

Don't let the Mother's Day celebrations keep you away, bring everyone with you and we'll see you at Crossroads!

what I learned today

One of my best friends in the world, Deering recently talked about how much more relaxed and less stressed he finds himself since he doesn't have cable anymore.  He's unplugged from the negative 'doomsday' blathering of the news media.  I wonder how sad it makes the Lord to see us sitting in front of the hypnotizing spell of our TVs- filling our minds with whatever they want to say?

I've always watched music competition shows on tv and HGTV - that's about it.  And it's largely because they amuse me, I don't have to think and sometimes they even get my creative juices flowing!  Beyond that, I don't need information from the tube.

That may seem like mindless watching, but I came out of a childhood of doomsday proclamations every time I walked through the doors of the church.   I spent nights awake following fiery threats from the pulpit and endless 'don't you dare do anything wrong!' warnings.  It made me always feel 'not good enough'.  Throw my aunts continuous evaluations into the mix and it's a wonder I ever walked back in church again!

But even in my most doom and gloom filled days, there were true believers around me, including my parents, that got it.

What God intended to bring to the earth was grace - not threats.

Phillip Yancy said this in an excerpt from Vanishing Grace
God entered our world and demonstrated in person that nothing — not even death — can separate us from God’s love. That the story of Jesus has this main theme: “For God so loved the world that He gave . . .” That human existence will not end with the imminent warming of our atmosphere or the gradual cooling of our sun, and my particular destiny will not end with death. That God will balance the scales of human history not by karma but by grace, in such a way that no one will be able to accuse God of unfairness.

No one will be able to accuse God of unfairness....WOW!  I guess that means that looking back it will be obvious that His grace was there, just waiting to calm our fears and release us from guilt and the worry of not being good enough...

Our fellow non-believing friends desperately need to hear the Gospel of Grace!  Grace-filled eyes are my goal today - Lord Jesus, let me see everyone whose path I cross with YOUR EYES today - the eyes that held so much love for us that you gave up your own life...

the lamb

Pastor Tim's continues his teaching this weekend on "The Lamb of God".

In my research I watched a video about the sacrifice of lambs as atonement for sin.  Further into the video it switched to shots of Christ as the one and only ultimate sacrifice.

I watched as soldiers beat him and nailed him to the cross and then stood back and laughed.  They laughed...

I was appalled when I pictured the 'real' soldiers in my mind laughing and throwing lots for his robe.

And then I remembered the times that I have watched or heard men I honestly thought were crazy due to their way out beliefs or horrible theological teachings. And I too have laughed at people I thought were surely false teachers. I remembered that they really did not know or believe He was the Son of God.  They thought HE was crazy.

Their eyes were blind.  They thought He was some crack pot making impossible claims and so they laughed.

Can you imagine their terror when the earth quaked and they heard a comrade say, "Surely this was the Son of God." The laughter ceased. 

What did they tell their families when they went home from work that night?

And how did they ever sleep again?

I can't in my wildest dreams imagine living with that kind of guilt and shame.  They killed the Son of God.

And yet, our everyday sins require just as much of a savior as theirs.  The video still plays within my mind and I bow my head to praise and thank him for His endless forgiveness.

I know this Lamb of God, and can barely express the worship my heart feels.

what I learned today

I have been thinking a lot about the Apostle Paul this week, ever since Pastor Tim taught us about him last weekend.

He was possibly Christianities' number 1 enemy for a while. The Christians spoke out against the laws that Paul and the Pharisees wrapped their lives around and considered it blasphemy. So Paul sought them out!

He thought he was right. He believed with all of his might that the Pharisees and all their rules were the Godly ones...wow, talk about being dead wrong. And so he sinned against the God he thought he was serving. He arranged for people like Stephen to be killed - he ruled with an iron fist.

Then he met Jesus, the Son of God. His world was rocked!

God's forgiveness was immediate. Still Paul's guilt and the realization of what he had done to so many innocent people had to make him question if he could be forgiven. I wonder how long he wrestled with the replays over and over in his head of all the atrocities and murders he had orchestrated before he surrendered the guilt. Maybe forgiving yourself is step one in understanding and fully participating in God's grace - easier said then done. I am not sure I could have ever fully put all of it behind me...but Paul fully understood the mercy God was offering and had no hesitation in moving into God's forgiveness.

From the time of his conversion on, all Paul thought about was Jesus. Every day for the rest of his life he urgently sought to know his Lord more deeply - obey more completely and tell everyone that came within shouting distance of God's mercy and forgiveness. And in doing so he became the target of the Pharisees and those that would not believe in his Jesus. Incredible.