a great outpouring

I have never experienced anything in my life like the passing of my father, on many levels.

One is the great outpouring of love and support in the form of cards and letters that are still coming from my friends and relatives.  Another was the amazing food that friends brought to us!

As I sat with my mom this afternoon - I read through all the cards she has received.   I couldn't believe the pile of cards and notes she had!  The thing we marveled at was that nearly every card had extensive writing in it.  The amazing detail people included about their relationship with dad made us smile.  And the only ones that didn't contain extra writing, were from people that we've spent time with and talked to over the past several weeks, or from people who didn't know my dad, but sent beautiful cards to encourage us - a generous outpouring!

As I returned home today, my husband handed me the mail which also still contained cards coming from dear friends!

Thank you so much!

It's so hard to believe it's been a week ago that we held dad's funeral service.  Out of all the services I've helped to create, it was my greatest honor.  I loved him so so much...

We invited dad's pastor whom he loved to open the service and then family members lead the rest.

Eric and Jocelyn lead the music

My brother John read scripture

Aaron had the difficult task of reading the families' memories of dad and my brother-in-law Rob Barlow delivered a perfect message, and then my precious hubby gave the graveside message!  I was thankful for the talents of each family member, so thankful!

The veterans were so kind to honor dad too!

My mom only wanted to have 2 hours of visiting hours right before the funeral service, which was at 3:00 p.m.- so I was worried that she might be disappointed in attendance on a workday.  But everyone  just kept coming and coming to pay their respects to my amazing dad.

They came to pay respect to the man that taught me who God is, what kind of a man I deserved to marry and how to raise kid's to love the Lord.  The man that adored my mom for nearly 60 years.

I miss him desperately and just cannot thank you all enough for all of your care, your support and your example of what it means to have amazing brothers and sisters in Christ.

Now we turn our attention to mom and the tremendous changes that she will be experiencing.  To lose a partner after so many years...so difficult.  One of the saddest pictures from the whole experience was the one of mom walking out of Hospice with all of dad's possessions for the final time.  It makes my heart ache.

But she's leaning into her Heavenly Father and continues to encourage everyone else - an amazing women for sure!

Thanks for continued prayer!

I'm a little less whole

Yesterday and all the past years of my life, my dad was a huge part of me.  This morning as he passed I felt just a little less whole.   Like something is missing now.

I am so thankful I got to be with him non-stop over the past few weeks.  But, it's been very difficult to watch the man I grew up in love with, shrink away before my very eyes.

This father of mine was strong and independent and suddenly in 3 weeks time became totally dependent on others.  All decision making was removed from him as he had doctors telling him what he had to do next and squads moving him from hospital to Hospice to home to Hospice..people bathing him and medicating him, I could hardly stand to watch all privacy and dignity be taken from him.

But, even as he was taken from the home he loved - he treated everyone kindly, his sarcastic humor had never been sharper and the stories that were told will be remembered forever by all that participated! And oh how he talked of the Lord - a testimony to the end!

Everyone had different ways of saying goodbye - I found myself even today as he took his final breaths stroking his arm and then kissing his head goodbye.  Both things were something I'm not sure I've ever done before.  But it's all I could do as we assured him it was ok to go to be with Jesus.

Later in his empty bedroom today, I started to go through pictures in preparation for the funeral and physically saw the little things he had that were important to him.   Simple things, things he's touched in the past, things I now need to hold for a little while.  These things all left behind.

This I know with more certainty then ever in my life - he is not in that coffin -  he has been welcomed into His Saviors arms!

All his hardships and all disappointments have faded, and all longings have been fulfilled with just one glimpse of Yahweh!  He probably fell on the ground in breathtaking amazement of God Almighty!

I loved him fiercely, and he encouraged me endlessly so I'm perhaps less whole without him.  But I think any loss, any trial, drives us to long more and more to be present with Jesus ourselves!  And only then - in heaven's glory will I too feel the glorified fulfillment that my dad experienced at 10:27 a.m. this morning.

unfinished plans

Jeremiah 29:11


11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.

a beautiful early morning at Crossroads 

This morning I worked out in the back of Crossroads preparing chains for our Easter set design. About 8:30 I was just getting a good start when a call came from mom. What I thought my plans were for the day suddenly became not so important.


My dad was being moved back to the Hospice facility.


As my girlfriends surrounded me in my office, placing arms around me with tears in their eyes, I wondered how people face the loss of family without this kind of support.


But as I drove toward Ashland again - I found myself worried that the details of Easter may never get done. It was such a crazy thought to consider that details beyond my control had in a sense become chains of worry... the concept of shackled I'd been developing was present in my own life... And then the Jeremiah scripture came to my mind and I remembered the Gospel of Jesus will be proclaimed despite any unfinished plans. And that I can have complete confidence and freedom in Christ!


Today I sit writing obituaries and organizing a celebration of life service instead of the Easter service details like I had planned. No one is predicting how long dad has, but things are clearly shutting down so we are preparing now to eliminate all last minute stress and so that we can be fully present with him no matter how much time is left.







For I know the plans I have for you ...

Rally days

Everyone said there would be rally days and brother there was!

We wish we had a word counter and recording of all the things that came out of his mouth yesterday

I describe his story-telling as an auctioneer comedian combination.

He talks continuously about listening to the Ashland University girls tournament game tonight - wishing I could some how get him there- he never misses a game.

Today he goes home - unbelievable from 2 nights ago when we were positive Jesus was calling him home.

Prayers work - although God already knows the number of his days.

They say he will get weaker and weaker ...we're praying he just sleeps away to Jesus, and has no pain.

Please know we FEEL your prayers and care and we love you all more than we can possibly describe.