what I learned today

I learned that although I released my kids to the Lord's will the day they were born, there were aspects that I had not released.

I have always tried to remain influential in my kids lives by being honest, living in a consistent Godly way before them and praying continuously. But today I had a wrestling match with God.

I had to be honest and admit that I was still holding one piece tightly in my hand. That was the piece of - protection from consequences. After quite a time of beseeching Him, sobbing and almost a physical collapse on the couch, I finally handed it completely to Him.

I will always be here for my kids, proud of them, rooting for them and praying for them. Even if I don't understand everything they choose to do. But, as they both graduate from college this year I realize I cannot fight their battles, I will not always know what God's will is for them - only they can know that, and I cannot protect them from the consequences of their decisions.

Why I wanted to hang on to this for so long is beyond me...if I try to control any of their decisions I could be the very influence that leads them down a path God does not want for them! I will walk beside my kids until the day I die, but, I will not try to control them. (silly to think I actually could anyway!)

I gave them to God the day they were born, and this day - I mean it more fully than I ever thought I could.

I release them to His calling fully!

I ate too much

I ate too much turkey, too much ham, too much dressing and too many desserts! In the midst of the feast, we talked about what we are thankful for...

I am thankful for the people around me that see ability within me that I myself would never see, they believe in me. These people have the unique gift of encouragement, discovery and development.

I am thankful for children that not only believe in the Lord, but understand what that relationship demands in their lives.

I am thankful for a husband that allows me to develop and obsess over work that I love without feeling threatened, he is my biggest support and greatest love.

I am thankful for a God that chose me and despite the fact that I constantly DO NOT live up to my end of the deal, He never abandons me. He sent His son to die for me before I physically existed. WOW!

God's calling

As I prepared to leave Indiana Wesleyan today, I had lunch with my kids. Conversation was lively but typical. Soon however, it took a turn toward extraordinary!

Out of nowhere my son Eric announced he feels God may be calling him to create a ministry that connects churches' efforts to evangelize local communities. He feels strongly that local churches waste time and resources all trying to work separately within the same communities as if it were a competition between denominations.

I looked at my son and all the past years experiences came rushing back. I thought back to questions as a child about why all the churches and pastors in town seemed to work against one another. I remembered his tender heart toward kids he came in contact with that did not know the Lord. I remembered when he was invited to be the outreach/evangelism coordinator for his dorm. And the excitement on the other end of a phone call this summer when his band had a performance where a young man accepted the Lord. And then his most current work, his practicum where he and his buddy Moose drive a bus that picks up inner city kids and drops them off for Wednesday night church. And God willing, Eric will get to go to Cambodia to work with orphans this spring. God has been preparing his heart for this type of work his whole life. Amazing!

Next my daughter, Jocelyn chimed in with her most recent decisions. She is second guessing her decision to make her second major International Community Development. She went on to talk about how she feels God may be calling her to work among the influential in the United States instead of with missions or overseas. She said she had been wondering whether the bigger kingdom accomplishment might be to use her writing skills to influence this American generation in politics, corporations, media or other influential areas. Some of our most celebrated people, are among the most desperate seekers. I remember her talking about this very thing many years earlier, passionately talking about how much more her own country needed evangelism then many foreign countries did. And now she was making college level decisions about how best to prepare for whatever God was calling her to.

I understand that young adults change their minds many times before discovering their life long calling. But what a blessing to hear them both talk about what they feel God may call them to do. I will never forget today's conversations and I can not believe how good God is!