Monday, March 8, 2010

my day off

So thankful for today. Trying to finish laundry, organize unfinished work and prepare to lead the artists group tomorrow.

As I spent some time reading about prayer this morning I was greatly encouraged by what I read. It was a section discussing prayer specifically within community - and specifically the duty of the leader in prayer. I have always preferred to pray privately. I do not find it hard to be honest and desperate before the Lord - to the point of exhaustion at times.

However, due to my position I often need to lead prayer publicly. This is something I sometimes almost dread because it's usually with the same teams over and over and I worry about sounding authentic and not repeating myself. So I try so hard to focus on just talking with the Lord, but also trying to be careful to make sense - not too personal... often feeling like I have failed miserably. How embarrassing is that to admit!??

I have never prayed trying to make myself sound all spiritual or better than anyone, that's not what I mean, but, it just feels so plain and like nothing inspiring... I am certain there have been times when I have not spiritually prepared myself before the Lord and that could make prayer sound mechanical I suppose...

Then today I read about the proper way to publicly pray, or rather the value in consistently praying for our fellowship. This is what it said, "It is precisely when a person, who is borne down by inner emptiness and weariness or a sense of personal unworthiness, feels that he would like to withdraw from his task, that he should learn what it means to have a duty to perform in the fellowship, and the brethren should support him in his weakness, in his inability to pray. Perhaps it is right here that one will realize the profound truth of Paul's words: "We know not what we should pray for as we ought: but the Spirit itself maketh intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered" Romans amazing promise.

So on my day off the question to myself once again is this, why do I waste so much time worrying about stuff or trying to figure things out instead of immediately searching the Word for instruction and comfort? The next time I lead in prayer I will remember these words and just let the Spirit use me to make intercession for those I serve.

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