Tuesday, December 15, 2009

what I learned today

I learned that although I released my kids to the Lord's will the day they were born, there were aspects that I had not released.

I have always tried to remain influential in my kids lives by being honest, living in a consistent Godly way before them and praying continuously. But today I had a wrestling match with God.

I had to be honest and admit that I was still holding one piece tightly in my hand. That was the piece of - protection from consequences. After quite a time of beseeching Him, sobbing and almost a physical collapse on the couch, I finally handed it completely to Him.

I will always be here for my kids, proud of them, rooting for them and praying for them. Even if I don't understand everything they choose to do. But, as they both graduate from college this year I realize I cannot fight their battles, I will not always know what God's will is for them - only they can know that, and I cannot protect them from the consequences of their decisions.

Why I wanted to hang on to this for so long is beyond me...if I try to control any of their decisions I could be the very influence that leads them down a path God does not want for them! I will walk beside my kids until the day I die, but, I will not try to control them. (silly to think I actually could anyway!)

I gave them to God the day they were born, and this day - I mean it more fully than I ever thought I could.

I release them to His calling fully!


Deb said...

Big HUG!

Stephanie said...

Wow, Lori! Thanks for being so transparent and for being such a great example for us who still have the toddlers at home. I will be praying for you! I cannot even fathom how hard this phase of life has to be for you right now.