Monday, December 7, 2009

praying badly (on my day off)

My daughter has a person in her life at college that is causing her grief in a work setting. She was recently sharing some of the harassing this person has been doing and I could feel the hairs on the back of my motherly neck beginning to stand up.

You just don’t mess with my kids or friends.

My usual serene exterior quickly deteriorated into what some of my family not-so-lovingly refers to as a “mama-lion”.

I become quit defensive for my loved ones (understatement).

With the shock that anyone would be less than kind to my daughter weighing heavy on me, I took it to the Lord. My intentions were noble – my flesh was weak.

After two or three lines of asking for God’s help, my mind drifted off into the possibility of taking matters into my own hands.

This without a doubt is less than pleasing to the Lord. After a few minutes of thinking through the possibilities of my involvement my focus returned to what I had originally set out to do – pray.

A few lines back into my prayer I once again found myself somehow considering the idea of sending the perpetrator a letter expressing my great disappointment in his behavior. Rehearsing what I might write in great detail in my mind…finally the return of helplessness came back over me and I turned back to the Lord.

I kid you not, 5 minutes back into prayer I returned again to yet another scenario, this time picturing my self confronting them on the college campus. Now, let’s just picture that in our minds for a moment. ME confronting a college student I don’t even know – which would completely undercut my daughter’s authority, and would require that I actually be confrontational (can you say chicken?)

Anyway, by the end of the time which should have been a hallowed time of coming to my Lord asking Him to intercede, I highly doubt He was even listening. I can just picture Him leaning in to hear my prayer 3 times, and finally giving up and turning His focus toward someone else. (I know, bad theology)

Anyway – am I the only one that has trouble remaining focused in prayer?


Jules said...

What a mirror of my own prayer life at times!!! I thought I was reading about myself. What a relief, though when the focus is easier to keep and the "fight" becomes His. The words will flow. I'm joining you in this prayer.

Lori Biddle said...

You are so kind!

Scott Stoops said...

If we look at the psalms we see many such prayers where the writer is describing all kinds of things that should be done to the "wicked" and "unrighteous". God graciously made sure that all of these prayers were included and that we are meant to learn from them. At no point do we see the writers getting back on track in their prayers.

If God made sure that all of these words are included in the Scriptures and that ALL scripture is God-breathed then he had to have heard them and the writers had to have been praying.

I know for myself that I often wander into just these kinds of scenarios. Are they a distraction? At times. Have I ceased praying while on these distractions? I really don't think so. These times help me work through my own response to the situation. Certainly, my wanderings are not always on track with what God wants for that time and in the circumstance but even those wanderings can keep us on the track of seeking the will of our Father.

I believe he sees them this way.