time to go

this child peaking out of his school window reminded me of the evil that binds this culture!

It's nearly impossible to believe that we are leaving Cambodia tonight!

It is time to return to our responsibilities and families.  I am anxious to see them, but am not ready to leave this place.

The Lord and I have continued to wrestle this week.  I feel I've been asked if I am willing to let go of many things for the sake of Christ.

I'm not talking about coming home and selling everything - that does no one any good.  I'm talking about things that are much more difficult to do.  What will I sacrifice for Him?  What will He ask me to give to Him?

And the most haunting question is, why does He have to ask me to submit anything?  IF I love him with my whole heart, soul and mind would He have to ask me to give up things I hold very dear?

 I don't think so..and so the wrestling match continues...

view from my hotel room

I feel the weight of work duties and special events already.  Yesterday I sat in my room and started to catch up on a leadership magazine that I've been wanted to read. The picture shows the view over the top of my magazine...a battle of focused experiences vs learning more about being a good leader.   I shouldn't have read it - it just threw me back into a quiet anxiousness. 

And so I put it away and am once again grabbing every last little bit of the trip that I possibly can.  Pray for us as we return - not only  for safety but to be changed forever!

tough goodbye

Goodbye - an acknowledgment of parting

Today was the worst part of our trip by far!

We had to say goodbye to the children of BB3 and BB7 - the children we have all fallen deeply in love with.

As the morning began with a few games, talking and the preparation of our final lunch at BB3, I noticed the absence of the ever present loud laughter that had filled the other days with the kids.  We all knew what was coming...

The prayer circle for safe travels before we said goodbye

Greg trying to say goodbye to his little girls

Final waves

The tears of children who have been separated from mothers and fathers in the past are difficult to see.  Even though we know the details of their backgrounds and what caused them to become orphans, who knows what remaining fears they have.

We did our best to assure them we would all try to be back when we could.  It didn't help.



  As we drove away our sobs eventually quieted down and we were left with quiet conversations about returning in January and how much we would miss our children.

They are our children.  To not see them again for a year is nearly overwhelming, but our relationships will continue grow no matter how often we see them.   We were truly blessed to have this time with them, even though goodbye is so very difficult!

The acknowledgment of parting is saying 'see you later' never goodbye! 

the things we saw today

child monks...doubly sad

typical Cambodian house

The care given to statues and idols is such a waste!

This is a cave that reportedly 10,000 innocent Cambodians were thrown into

Angie making necklaces with the girls

A breathtaking view

We gave home made blankets to our newest orphans

We went to one of the killing fields today.  Devastating to see how depraved a society can become.

Home made blankets from elderly ladies in the US sent for orphans.

Some of our men went into villages and talked to people who were old enough to remember the horror of the former regime.  They gave money to local pastors for orphans and widows.

Breathtaking views of a nearly destroyed society below.

Crafts with our beautiful girls!

Completely false religions giving no hope for a lost people - stone statues....empty

Please pray.

my daughters' Bibles

I sat in Cambodia today at a worship service side by side with my Cambodian daughter, Senghong.

Senghong's Bible

She has a Bible.  It was highlighted, and full of notes and book markers.  It was written in Khmer, her language. 

I also sat today in Cambodia with my daughter Jocelyn.

She has a Bible.  It is highlighted, and full of notes and book markers.  It is written in English, her language.

No woman is more blessed on the face of the earth than I am because both daughters also believe the words in their Bibles.  And both girls personally know and love the King of Kings.

Neither girl knew one another until just a few years ago when Jocelyn first chose Senghong to become her sister by looking at the bios and pictures at Crossroads.  She chose her to become our child to support through Asia's Hope.  And now our girls, bound together for all of eternity by the promises in their Bible are family.  And by God's grace we will be able to stay connected to our Cambodian daughter for the rest of our lives here on earth!

Jocelyn and Senghong working on the Cambodian music project

emotionally exhausted today

This has been the most emotionally exhausting day for me so far.

We went into a village, to a tiny local church to do a community outreach today.  We then stopped at another local church on our way back to the hotel.

BB3 dancers

We took the oldest kids from BB3 with us.  They performed 2 dances each place we went and Ron got to present the gospel to the attendees.  It was a HUGE honor to be there.

As I entered I couldn't help but notice all the shoes - they represented all the people inside...To see the empty eyes and smile-less faces proved once again that the joy that Jesus Christ brings to his children is immediately recognizable, even in the darkest of societies.  The few among them that did know the Lord - shined like a bright light even in the brightness of day!  You could tell these faithful pastors and their families were madly in love with the Lord and the burden they carry for the people around them was almost physically visible.

The team from Crossroads wept almost the entire time we were there, watching the worship dances and listening to the stories and the message made us long for those around us to know our Lord.

Darryl loving on one of the village babies.

Serving in these villages takes on many different forms, holding babies, giving out candy that you purchased long ago just for this occasion as well as handing unexpected money to the poverty stricken pastors. 

Dar got to feed a tiny baby!

As we moved to the second little church, we anticipated this stop partially because our dear BB3 House Parents grandmother, whom we had all come to love would be at the service.

When Jocelyn was in Cambodia last, the BB3 grandmother Priun, had formed a very close bond with my daughter Jocelyn.  Jocelyn had a necklace to give her and couldn't wait to see her.

Jocelyn and Pruin

When the vans pulled up Pruin appeared looking through all the windows of the van, Jocelyn was in the back and not easily seen.  As one person after another got out, Pruin excitedly grabbed each person she knew - kissing and hugging them.  And then Jocelyn stepped out.  They held each other for a very long time and finally made their way to sit together in the service.  Of course I was sobbing.

Greg Rudrick playing Goliath and terrifying the poor 

child playing David!

Priun loving Jocelyn during the service

The first thing we were told was that this little church had just lost their young pastor.  Some thought he died of a heart attack, some from a broken heart for the people of Cambodia and Thailand, and his close friend told me he thought he worked so hard telling everyone he had opportunity to, that he died of exhaustion.  They introduced his widow, and from that moment on I was overcome with grief for a woman I had never met.  She stood and everyone clapped, she sat back down and seemed to be under control.  

The service was amazing, a teaching on David and Goliath and with worship dance, words to worship songs sung in Khmer that I had no idea what they said and yet I worshiped deeply.  Worship has no language!

Following the service I asked one of the translators from BB3 if it was ok for me to speak to the young widow.  She said yes.  I asked her to tell her how sorry I was that her husband had passed away and then we both totally lost it and fell into each others arms.  I experienced sorrow on a level I cannot explain, as if I had known this many myself.  I placed some money in her hand and promised that I would hold her up in prayer and then I had to leave.  I was emotionally spent, but deeply in love with this congregation.

Finally on our way home, we stopped to drop off Pruin at the little hut that she now lived out her last days.  I was once again overcome with emotion knowing this could be the last time we ever get to see her.  She isn't well, that is why she no longer helps cook at BB3.  The end of life comes so quickly in this land, I think someone said she was only 57...

As our time with these lost, hopeless people drew to a close I saw across the room a picture I won't soon forget.

This picture described perfectly these peoples' plight without God.  Bars kept one small child from joining us in the room.  Those bars in that moment, represented the sins that separate us from God.  Only Jesus sacrifice removes them.  How I pray our work today can be used of God to change lives and give hope for eternity!

the poor

Who are the poor?

People that have less then us? Are we the measurement against which poor is identified?

Are we to help everyone who has less then we do?  God was not pleased in the story of the good Samaritan, that the hurting man remained  un-helped as several people on a mission to get to 'foreign' lands and more important duties walked right by the man that needed them most.  Finally the good Samaritan stopped and cared for him.

The average home in Battambang

Our foreign endeavors are worthless unless we first help our neighbors, and our own communities.   Although it is extremely easy to come to a country like Cambodia and immediately 'see' who needs help.  I need to first look around me at home.

Several of the guys on our Cambodian team talked about how they secretly search for opportunities to serve those around them back home.  I marveled at their creativity to help others.  With the Lord's help, I will return home with a renewed determination to watch for opportunities to serve others without considering it my responsibility to decide who is poor and who isn't.

entrances to a foreign land

entrance:  A means or point by which to enter.

I entered many times today.  I discovered doorway after gorgeous doorway.  I walked the ruins of Angkor Wat today.  I was fascinated by all the doorways that gave entrance into the next area of the temples and courtyards.

Over and over I walked through entrances.  Each time I walked in,  there would be yet another entrance to explore. And so I walked deeper and deeper into the ruins.

As I discovered shrines with incense burning and many gifts that had been left for these cement forms,  I became overwhelmed with a sense of just how dark this area of the world is.  These once fabulous temples had been constructed by a people that had a God-implanted need to worship their creator.  Instead, deceived, they turned to mere rock and carvings to worship-  a ridiculous substitution.

  As I walked, my hands in a semi-raised position I begged God for their deliverance from this complete deception that holds them bondage.  Even today we witnessed people kneeling and offering confession and worship...to a stone.  It completely broke my heart.

The time, and money and blood-sweat-and-tears that went into these magnificent structures seemed such a waste of years if people's lives spent in horrible labor and all the resources that must have been spent as we saw many places of the temples that lay in total destruction.  

I wondered who had walked through all these entrances before me long ago?  I wondered if everyone who lived and passed through here all those years ago had been lost for all of eternity, if any knew Yahweh?