Your world's not falling apart it's falling into place.....
Whenever I come across sayings, quotes or ideas that challenge me - I often don't have time to really dig into them at that moment, so I send them to myself.
At the time I came across the above quote, it was little more than logical to me. I don't think I've ever doubted that God's will is what will be done, despite any effort to the contrary on my part.
In the past couple of months however, my neat little package of a life has looked anything but orderly.
I always have believed the fact that God changes are often difficult in order to grow us, otherwise we pay little attention. They are also usually in the areas we feel the most in control of.
FYI - we have no true control over anything.
He is the only thing that never changes.
Most of you know I lost my dad a couple of months ago very suddenly. I'm not sure the fact that I'll never get to see him try to make me laugh again with his dumb jokes, has still quite sunk in.
But, there have been many things to praise Him for in his death.
- Dad had No pain
- He died in love with Jesus
- God gave him just the right amount of time to spend quality time with nearly every single person he loved.
- He and mom had sold their home 2 years before and were in a perfect - single floor condo that is completely maintainable by mom alone - and paid for.
I could go on and on - but, these are the things I continue to thank the Lord for.
A week and 1/2 ago my mom went to the doctor, and finally to the ER after seeing blood in her urine.
On a Saturday night I left church and met her there - we expected kidney stones - they found a large mass on her right kidney.
The past week I've taken her to Columbus twice, spent the night in the hospital with her and ended up having a grand mal seizure myself. (Don't ever have a seizure in a cancer wing of a teaching hospital)...that's all the detail you get.
What I've witnessed in the past several months is faith becoming sight for two of the people I love the most in the entire world.
You can talk about Jesus, you can read about Jesus and you can go to a million church services, but the question you must answer is, how does this affect my life? Does this relationship with Him affect my daily talk? Can others see the love i have for those around you? Do others see the tolerance and grace i extend to those that may be difficult in my life? Do i REALLY have a relationship with Christ? Really?
I've been asked from time to time about my family, how we raised our kids, just regular asking by people that are perhaps struggling in an area they think we've had success in.
Every single time it comes down to the same thing - CONSISTENT LIVED-OUT OBEDIENCE! (not perfection, we're incapable of this - just obedience).
If you try to teach about love, but argue constantly at home; if you refer to the Word of God, but don't hide it in your heart and truly study; if you try to teach your kids about finances, but don't tithe on a regular basis; if you occasionally visit parents or loved ones - but never truly care for them - then everything you say are just words.
This world craves examples to watch - Faith lived out - a life centered around Christ.
As I've watched my mom face what could be just a surgery that she'll heal from, or a cancer battle that could get ugly, I've seen again why I've always respected her faith - why I've never for one day seen her make decisions without her Lord - why I want to be like her.
Her world's not falling apart it's falling into place...
My friends and family are insisting that I take a hard look at myself through this process too.
It's weird how when you're in ministry you think your work is more important than anything, so I'm admitting today - I'm a workaholic! I LOVE to work! God never asked me to be this - God doesn't need me to be this.
So, in the midst of my mom & dad's struggle the Lord decided to give me a good 'ole dose of 'falling apart'...to see if I'd get it this time. I think I have.
I'm certainly not turning my mom's serious health struggles into something about me, i just finally sat down to process for the first time in a couple weeks and needed to put my thoughts into words.
Thanks for tolerating a long post...that fact that you ever read this means more than I can every explain to you. Thank you my friends - prayers are coveted.