Thursday, May 30, 2013

can't sleep

I'm sure I'm not alone right now at 4:00 a.m., not being able to sleep.  Someone else out there is longing for more hours of rest just as I am!

Although I wish I could just lay, one thing I'm not good at all is just laying there, so here I am.

These two weeks have been weeks with very little time to think.  They've been reaction weeks, when asked for help or for suggestions or for decisions, it's been an on-the-spot reactive reply everyone gets.  I'd rather be deeply in touch with those around me, part of the process, part of the collective solution instead of throwing out my own. 

On top of fast solutions the  problem is with my mid-life brain the minute a job or service or event is done -  it and all it's details are gone.  There is no time for relishing the process or dwelling in the past - instead it's always time for the next thing... immediately. My co-worker girlfriends and I joke about how there is certainly no time for pride in the accomplishment and that's a good thing, but it would be fun to at least remember some of the details.

 A confidence among our staff in one another has emerged over the past couple of years, a settling in yet still not settling for less than excellent.

There is a down-side to SLOW too, you can get stuck and not move if everything is easy, slow and not moving.  In those time I have to be careful not to find myself way too deep and for too long contemplating what should be instead of deciding what is.

The Bible talks about being still a lot.  I assume He wouldn't have talked about quite so much unless He realized what a problem it would be for us.  I picture Him looking down kind of like - ahhh excuse me....hello down there...remember me?  And with His view of eternity He just shakes his head in disbelief of what occupies my days.  He knows much of it has no connection to moving me closer to Him.

So at 4:00 a.m. this morning I confess yet again my lack of attention...being more busy with His Work...then with Him.... don't suppose He woke me up do you?

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