Saturday, March 4, 2017

far away

You would think when returning from an amazing missions trip like I just finished in Cambodia that I'd be all fired up for Jesus and writing like a maniac about His goodness..

But I must confess, I haven't been able to recognize His goodness very easily due to focussing on things outside my control that cause me to worry instead of trust.  The far away means I've stepped away or chosen to focus on what is not within my power to change.  When we feel God is far away it's us that creates that distance.  And instead of seeing the amazing ways He's providing...

I looked again at MY loss.  Which in no way compares to others around me.

I miss people that are gone due to sin.

Several people asked me how I was doing this week and my response was, "I'm not sure".  That was the truth - the fatigue I felt from travel combined with the sadness made me not want to do anything  beyond completing what needed to be done and sleeping.  And not sleeping well.

But the past couple of days I've again walked back into God's closeness and mercy and grace and He's re-opened my eyes to what the fire is already producing.  The good so far outweighs the bad.

It may not look like I want it to look but as He promises it's even better, even deeper, even more real then the made up reality we sometimes live in.  The things we settle for here have to grieve Him so deeply.  The ways we choose to live, things we find our happiness in, all so temporary and gone like vapor - His grace is eternal and surrounds me!

I cannot wait to sit and worship and take a step back into being surrounded by my brothers and sisters in Christ this weekend.

I've been listening to Kari Jobe's newest album today "The Garden"'s so uplifting and encouraging - right now as I write I'm listening the song "I will sing" - you really need to listen to it.

I Will Sing

Here are some of the lyrics:
Lord, You seem so far away
A million miles or more, it feels today
And though I haven't lost my faith
I must confess right now
That it's hard for me to pray
But I don't know what to say
And I don't know where to start
But as You give the grace
With all that's in my heart
I will sing, yes, I will praise, even in my darkest hour
Through the sorrow and the pain
I will sing, I will praise, lift my hands to honor You
Because Your word is true, I will sing
It's been a really good day, and I can say the next time someone asks 'how are you' that I can say "I Am Fine!" 
(in Him)!

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